Frustration

I'm so sick of crap happening to me. First my proposal is being constantly postponed. Second I can't seem to get a loan to pay for my last year of college. And third, stupid budget cuts made me lost my job as a TA.

I'm so sick of RIT. I want to get through with it and done over. I just need this college education in order to get a job. But right now I don't even care if I just end up working as an office secretary. Which means that my whole college experience was just a waste. I'm just so frustrated.

The only silver lining of my life appears to be that my love life seems pretty good and I'll be getting married in less that 3 months.

I don't question that it must be part of my fate or something......I'm just......

tired.

Random Shoutout 4

How should I do my wedding invitations!?!?!?!

Ramadan

Ramadan Mubarak!
Selamat Berpuasa!

It's not just about fasting from food.
Can we all control our nafs?
Take advantage of the time that the Shaytan (devil) is locked up?
Minimize our shopping, gossiping and impure thoughts?
Maximize our recitation of the Qur'an, visitations to the masjids and mosques, forgiving and asking for forgiveness?

Let's all become better Muslims for this glorious month!

Homesickness

I'm feeling homesick.
I want to be home!!!!
I wonder how it'll be like when I'm married.
I'll no longer be my "parents' child," I'll be "Umar's wife".
I don't know if I can stay at home for extended times whenever I get homesick anymore after I married.

District 9

I will never ever ever ever want to watch another movie like District 9 ever again. It was a pretty good movie from a filmmaker's point of view but I absolutely hate the concepts. The movie really highlights the ugliness of human society. The greed, the selfishness, the arrogance, the ignorance, the pig-headness. The only one that has somewhat of a noble cause is the main alien and his son. Honestly, the movie was just a whole but of senseless violence. The dialogue was completely unintelligent with the "f" being used in every sentences and nearly as every other word. The ending also just trailed off with no real conclusion. It feels very empty.

However, there is a deep rooted message though. Looking past the violence, the stupidity, and that they're dealing with aliens, humans are just sickening in the way they treat others. When you think about, the way they treat aliens is the same way that some groups of people treat other groups of people in real life. African (Americans) slavery. Jews of the Holocaust. Concentration camps of the American-Japanese. Palestine. And we're all people of the same human race. There's no excuse there.

Freak Out

It's that season for freaking out.

Freak out about my proposal and when "will get to present it???!?!!!!!?!?!?!?!"

Freak out about how to get enough money to pay for the upcoming academic year. (Darn the economy for making it hard for INTERNATIONAL students to get money!)

Freak out about 4 hour delays flights and barely making it onto the connecting flight. (Luckily I have never experienced this myself. Allhamdulillah Pao sempat naik MAS)

Freak out about I-20 and sending things off. (I think my I-20 should be adjusted for going into the master program so I probably should do that soon)

Freak out that I haven't even starting studying for the GRE yet! T_T

Freak out about not hearing from my tunang for the past 3 days. (Okay, I'm not really freaking out about it but I am a little worried)

I hope all this freaking out won't be detrimental to my heart.

Where am I?

I don't like myself. I'm entering depression. What's the use of things? I'm always worrying and regretting about something. I'm sick of it all.

I'm sick of everything. I'm sick of having to act accordingly for people to like me. I want to be myself. I'm sick of this mask. I want to break away from it.

But....I don't know who I am anymore.

How can I act like myself if I don't know who I am.




Who am I?