Precious GM memories

As I was feeding Ruqaiya this morning and slowly drifting to a sweet slumber, memories upon memories of Gateway Malaysia (or more commonly known as GM by its regular members) assaulted the forefront of my mind.

GM really was one of the most pivotal influences of my life. It caused me to be more actively involved with trying to relearn my homeland's language as well as stimulated some self-confidence. I was always so shy and passive. I barely spoke what was on my mind. I barely let myself be creative and do things out of the box. I was rather guarded. For me, friends were people you got along with at school, connections I had to remake every fall. The few true friends I had at the time were few and they all had moved away with only e-mail to connect us and our memories. Honestly, the people of GM changed me. For the first time, I made friends not because we were in the same class or belonged to Malaysian families attended the local university. For the first time, I made friends on my own based on myself.

At first I was really shy but eventually I managed to open up. I was able to enter the conversations. I was able to contribute to the forum discussions even though the times I was online was when most other were asleep and when I was offline others were online. I remember going on everyday to check the forums. I went on before school and after school. I made serious points, I had crazy stories, I wrote poems and I spammed.

I loved it.

I remember the spam wars that would pop up now and then. When all of the posts consisted of nothing but "hahahahaha" and smileys. I remember when we had wars with smiley icons. I remember the forum discussions would always veer away from the original topics. I remember when we all tried to post in every discussion to increase our post numbers. I remember all of us trying to be "kings and queens" and getting our "titles." I remember having a hard time understanding conversations about the Malaysians way of life and school but finally getting an idea. I still remember going crazy over trying to figure out what the word "poyo" means.

We were always trying to get new members but still those of us that regularly go on were was relatively small. Maybe under 20. For me, this small number made GM special and unlike most other forums. We were able to become close friends, which I don't think would have happened had there been hundreds of members. Not only did we communicate at GM, we swapped ims and chatted via MSN and YM. I still have some of them listed. I've never used them before. Even on my first and only visit back to Malaysia when I was 16, I actually spent an afternoon with them.

I even had my first nickname come from the GMers. Yeah, I've had one or two before but they weren't actually used (except for my beloved late Atuk). Dee became my nickname and dear Asma popularized it.

GM influenced in other ways as well. I had my first blog as a result of GM. It seemed like everyone had one so I gave it a try. Who knew that I would still blog now and then. Though the real enjoyment was from designing the blog than actually blogging. Every other entry I had was probably about my new layout. I remember spending hours of my weekends working on a new graphic or trying out some codes. hehe. It sparked an interest in media production and graphic design. Although I haven't done any for a long time, I can still remember the techniques that I used and learned. Additionally even the address (windee) was inspired from my GM years when I took the title "Queen of the Winds."

Too bad good things come to and end. As more joined it became harder to keep up. I enter a state of depression that lasted for months. I wanted to disappear and even deleted some of my old posts. Older friends were going to uni and everyone became busier. Soon many of us have stopped visiting. I can no longer remember the username and password that I once entered in everyday.

Yet, even though we've lost contact for years and we have gone our separate ways, I still consider them my precious friends. Emma, Mira, and Maiza were my older sister figures. Asmaa and Shara were my hyper friends, with whom I can be crazy and start singing online with. Qiki was the creative one. Nasha was quirky. Dill was the elusive one to me but well known. Izzat, whom whenever I chat with we would always first talk about the time and the weather. And of course the Sharen brothers, notably Alleem, Haziq and of course Zufar, King of Hearts, founder, and the Lavender Gunslinger (no matter what I can never forget that. It was too funny).

The friendships were wonderful. They gave me self-confidence maintain the friendships I had with my American classmates. I go out with friends. GM gave me the sense of freedom to say weird things. To think poetically. To act quirky and odd. And I love it.

Hopefully I can meet these people again.

Graduation!

It's been a long time since I posted on this blog but please understand that I've been busy. There were so many papers and projects to do last quarter. I was done with all my work quarter to midnight on Thursday night. And guess what....this year is my year to graduate and graduation was on Friday and Saturday! (Convocation on Friday and Commencement when I actually graduate on Saturday) hahahaha! Shows that I was busy till the day I graduate.



Now, I'm "free!"


I also got 2 diplomas because one is for my BS and one is for my MS. Yes, I graduated for both at the same time. That's why I have the golden cords/ropes (for Highest Honors in my BS) and the hood, to represent my MS.


I also walked across the stage twice! It was funny because as soon as I walked across the stage got my BS and stepped off from the stage, I had to run right in front of everyone to the other side to walk across the stage again! There were some other people that went up twice as well but they were in fairly large majors so that they had time to saunter for their second time. My major is very small and the number of people graduating was only 6 for both BS and MS degrees. I had to run because there was only like 4 to 5 people between each of my turn and usually there's about 4 people on stage at the same time. >_< Imagine how fast I had to run.


The second time, instead of just the usually congratulations and good luck. I got comments from all the deans and advisers and higher-ups about my running skills. hahahahah


With my roomie of 2 years and two "diplomas!" Hehe...yeah, just the case and they'll mail the real stuff later.

However, I'm still busy.....got to finish up more research for my Masters. At least I don't have to worry about class and just work on my thesis. ^_^ And the best thing about that is that I only need to go to lab 1-2 days a week and the rest of the time I can spend at home. Which means I can leave with my beloved husband and future daughter!


More pictures on my Facebook. :)

Al-fatihah Uncle Mahadzer

Death takes everyone unexpectedly. This year seems like the year of the dead. Although there are no large catastrophes this year with a death toll in the hundreds or thousands, the deaths that have occurred are much more heartbreaking. The deaths this year has been of the people that have touched my heart for many years. The latest but probably most heartbreaking one for me is Uncle Mahadzer (always shorten to just "Uncle").

Uncle and his family were among the first people I've known since I moved to the United States back when I was 5. My mind was still fresh and I was just beginning to understand the world around me and the people in it. Back then I believed Uncle was really my uncle although now I know we don't have even remote family blood relations. Yet, being so far away from my blood relatives he was the closest I had to a real uncle. Even now when I'm grown up and have lost contact with him and the family for the last 13 years, deep in my heart I still believe he was my uncle. I'm only grateful to have been able to reestablished contact with him briefly in the last couple of months yet I regret not talking with him enough.

Amin. Uncle - July 28, 2009.

Michael Jackson's memorial was so touching. I couldn't help but cry at times, especially when his daughter spoke out.

Call me sentimental. I want to go out and buy his CDs now.